IUD's: The Weapon of Choice

Chatter

WE NEED EVERYBODY'S
FULL ATTENTION PLEASE.

Thank you.

The Department of Tourism Security has upgraded the threat level. Patriots are ordered to add American flag stickers to their bumpers and reinforce their display of ribbon magnets. We have, right here in America, on our soil - our HALLOWED GROUND, a bona fide IRANIAN TOURIST.









"New York hot dogs make me shit fire."




US Government authorities acted
quickly to show the Iranian Tourist
how we roll in the Land of the Free.





Meanwhile pinko, castrated, limp-wristed, freedom haters at Columbia University caved in and allowed the tourist to speak and be spoken to.

Authorities capture 'dirty bum' tourist

July 5, 2007 2:47 PM PST

PORTLAND -- Federal officials have captured a dirty bum suspect in the downtown area of Portland, Oregon. U.S. officials said a downtown Portland bus station was the probable target of the dirty bum, who is allegedly a tourist seeking to blend in with the locals. Officials said a plot to plant several dirty bums in the bus station overnight last night was in the "discussion stage" when the key suspect, Dirty Al, was arrested; approximately four other dirty bums dispersed when Dirty Al was cuffed to a parking meter. Authorities said the plot had not gotten past the discussion stage due to a disagreement among the dirty bums as to whether to target a public parking garage instead. “We will continue to be vigilant,” authorities said.

Homegrown Tourism

DATELINE: LAKE TAHOE - Tourists, it appears, have taken to showing up at disasters in progress just to get a photo of themselves grinning in the foreground. "They're dastardly," one burned-out resident told CNN, clearly relishing his TV appearance despite having just lost everything to the fire. "Dastardly," he repeated. Getting his money's worth.

Disaster tourism is an example of how the tourists adapt their methods and strategies in response to administration tactics. This year, when the president worked with patriotic oil companies to artificially raise summer gas prices, the tourists have responded by staying local. They sit home listening to their police scanners and they ride their bikes over to any chicken coop fire within a mile and a half. These lookie-loo gawkers (LLGs is the TLA ((TLA means Three Letter Abbreviation))) are only loosely affiliated with one another, so authorities have trouble shutting them down.

"They give a little nod when they recognize each other at some car wreck or a drunk girl arrest," said a haggard old local Sheriff. "Sometimes they'll cross the tape line or even make off with a whole roll of our yellow tape out of the trunk of the cruiser if we leave it popped; one officer in particular I have in mind. They get in our way but we don't bother to arrest them because it's just a hassle -- most of them don't even have ID. We call the disaster tourists Samsonites, because they're just goddamn baggage."

World War II had the Gerries and the Nips, Viet Nam had Charlie, and today we face the dastardly goddamn Samsonites. Back to you in the studio, Xavier.

An argument for pre-emptive war on tourism

Statement from Secretary of Beaches to the United Naysayers

We have firsthand descriptions of tourist equipment facilities on wheels and on rails.


A source in a position to know the details of the
program, confirmed the existence of transportable
facilities moving on trailers.

The t-shirt trucks and push carts are easily moved and are designed to evade detection by beach patrol. In a matter of months, they can produce a huge quantity of trinkets and VanHalen mirrors (VHMs).

We have diagrammed what our sources reported about these mobile facilities. Here you see Mobile Kitsch Factories (MKFs). The description our sources gave us of the technical features required by such facilities are highly detailed and extremely accurate. As this photo shows, we know what the parts look like. We know how they fit together. We know how they work. And we know a great deal about the platforms on which they are mounted. They are, for instance, made of wood. The food ones carry hot dogs and sometimes boardwalk fries.

As shown in the diagram, these can be concealed easily, either by moving ordinary-looking trucks and rail cars along thousands of miles of highway or track, or by parking them in a garage or warehouse or somewhere in their extensive system of underground tunnels and bunkers. To guard against aerial detection, they deploy giant umbrellas.

Ladies and gentlemen, these are sophisticated facilities. For example, they can sell flip flops and a spyglass with a picture of a girl inside from a single unit. In fact, they can produce enough deer fly agent in a single month to kill thousands upon thousands of insects. And deer fly agent of this type is the most lethal form.

My colleagues, we have an obligation to our citizens, we have an obligation to this body to see that our resolutions are complied with. We must not shrink from whatever is ahead of us - even if it's a 47 year old insurance agent from Ohio wearing a racing Speedo.

Thank you



Filled with violence, hate, and nitrates, these
tourists show no mercy, even to their own kind.
One only has to observe them at the buffet in an
“eat all you can “ facility to see first hand their
inbred killer instincts and excellent hand to hand
combat skills, honed to perfection.

US exporting tourism

BRASOV. June 25. KAZINFORM.

A bear has mauled and killed a tourist from the United States in central Romania's Bucegi mountains. The attack happened Saturday evening, Romanian news agency Mediafax reported. The bear has been declared a national hero.


"I was just doing my job." --Mr. Bear

To fight tourism, we need the support of the Dickweed Community

The war against tourism is NOT a war against every dickweed in Amer-ca. REMEMBER: A person might look like an idiot from somewhere else, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a tourist. If he's just a local cat smoking weed and hanging with his boyz, he is not a target of The War Against Tourism. We can count on his ilk being cleaned up by the war on drugs and/or the war on poverty.